


"Kill Me and You Will Never Find Out Where She Is"

by Sinelaborenihil



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, Torture, dark au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:20:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26795752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinelaborenihil/pseuds/Sinelaborenihil
Summary: Dark AU where Hawke is taken by Danarius and Fenris must come to the rescue.
Relationships: Fenris/Female Hawke
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	"Kill Me and You Will Never Find Out Where She Is"

**Author's Note:**

> **TW: Referenced/Implied rape/non-con**
> 
> This is definitely a darker fic, but I wanted to say at the beginning that the trigger warning references the past relationship between Danarius and Fenris, as well as Danarius' hope to return to that dynamic. Hawke is not sexually assaulted as a means of torture.
> 
> Written in response to the Weekly Writing Prompt on the Dragon Age Subreddit. I know it's a little unpolished, but I wrote in the last six hours without doing a ton of editing. I hope it's still reasonably readable!

Fenris had known that Danarius would come for him eventually, that had never been a question. Danarius was a possessive man and Fenris was, if nothing else, worth a lot of money. But still, hearing the magister's voice in the Hanged Man had been an ugly shock. Uglier still were the sheer number of guards and mercenaries that the old man had brought along. Fenris, Hawke, and Varric had been overwhelmed. Fenris struggled to reach Hawke, who was bleeding from a cut over her eyebrow, but the mercenaries held fast as Danarius approached her instead. 

“I have an offer for you,” Danarius said to Hawke. “The hour grows late, and soon my ship to Minrathos will sail. I am offering you a chance to walk away. Leave now, let me take the boy, and you and your friends will be spared.”  


Though his insides writhed with fear, Fenris looked up at Hawke. “Go, Hawke, please. Let them take me.” There was no thought worse than his friends coming to harm because of him.  


He saw the alarm in her eyes when she looked at him and clenched his teeth when Danarius chuckled.  


“No,” Hawke said softly, but firmly.  


Danarius raised an eyebrow. “Dear girl, I don’t know what Fenris has told you, but it ended badly for the last people who interfered.”  


“I’m not interfering,” Hawke growled. “I have a counter-offer. Fenris is a free man.” She glanced over at him and Fenris’ heart climbed to his throat. He knew that look. It meant she was about to do something that would get her killed.  


Or worse.  


“Take me instead,” Hawke said.  


“NO!” The words had wrenched themselves from between his lips before he could even think and Fenris felt a chill at the speculative look Danarius gave him.  


“Such a generous offer,” Danarius said, his eyes narrowing. “Why would you make it, I wonder?”  


“Does that matter?” Hawke replied, her chin lifting as she glared at the magister. “The Champion of Kirkwall for one elf slave. Seems like a fucking bargain to me.”  


“Hawke-” Varric tried to intercede, to protect her as he always did, but the mercenaries holding him cuffed him, knocking him to the ground.  


“Let them go!” Hawke said. “Let them go and I’ll go with you.”  


Danarius stepped close to Hawke, much too close, and took her chin in his hands. “Why would she do this, pet?” he asked, glancing over at Fenris. “Make such an offer for you.”  


Fenris’ throat went dry at the magister’s scrutiny. Danarius could never know what Hawke was to him. “The girl likes to play the martyr,” he said dismissively. “The title has gone to her head.”  


He hated the look in Hawke’s eyes as he saw his words fall like blows.  


“Shall I indulge her?” Danarius asked mildly.  


“No!” Fenris said immediately and knew it was a mistake when Danarius’ pale eyes narrowed.  


“Perhaps the better question is ‘what is she to you, pet?” Danarius asked.  


Fenris tried to calm himself, tried to keep his voice even, tried not to look at Hawke. “She is my employer,” he said.  


“Nothing more?”  


Fenris shook his head and felt his heart drop at the look in Danarius’ eyes.  


“Do not presume me a fool,” Danarius hissed. “You wear her crest when mine should be. She has claimed you as hers.” His eyes snapped back to Hawke. “His heart belonged to me, once,” Danarius said. “Do you love her, Fenris?”  


“No, Master,” Fenris heard himself say, dropping his eyes like he had been taught. “She was a diversion, nothing more. Protection. I am…” he swallowed. He had to force himself to say the hated words. He had to. “I am your pet. As I ever was. She is nothing to me.” He hoped that Hawke knew that it was a lie that he had to tell to keep her safe. He hoped that she knew and Danarius did not.  


Danarius nodded and took a step back. “Then kill her,” he said. “And we shall go home and forget this whole nasty business.”

But of course Fenris could no more kill her than he could fly. So he and Varric had been bound and forced to watch as the collar Danarius had intended for Fenris was fastened around Hawke’s neck. 

No amount of struggling or screaming had stopped Danarius from leaving and taking Hawke with him, leaving Fenris and Varric tied tightly together until Aveline and her guards had arrived.  


Danarius hadn’t been lying when he said his ship was to sail within the hour. They had missed it. And Danarius’ coin had ensured that it was late the next day before they were able to find a captain and a ship to take up the pursuit. Calm seas had slowed them further and by the time they had reached Minrathous they were a solid two and a half weeks behind Danarius and Hawke.

“How are you holding up, Broody?”  


Fenris didn’t turn to look at his friend, his eyes instead focused on the quay. “I am frightened,” he admitted. “So much could have happened to her-”  


“We are going to rescue her,” Varric said firmly. He shook his head and Fenris could hear the tension in his voice as he looked away. He knew that the dwarf was thinking, as he was, of the awful things that could have befallen Hawke in the time that she’d been a prisoner.  


He knew that it did no good to speculate, so he forced himself to nod and together they made their way down to the longboat along with the rest of their friends.  


Fenris took care to keep his skin hidden, one never knew where Danarius’ spies were, and he’d lead his friends through the streets of Minrathous until they had arrived at Danarius’ villa.  


His stomach sank at the sight of the imposing edifice and he felt his shoulders trying to roll forward into the habitual slump of a slave.  


But he was not a slave.  


He was a free man here to rescue the woman he loved.  


He would not be cowed.  


He had been about to storm his way through the front door when Aveline and Varric had stopped him, counseled caution. Reminded him that they had a plan. Isabela broke them in through the study and Fenris had led them to Danarius’ bedchamber, silently killing any guards that stood in their way. It was clear that Danarius had been expecting him as there were double the number of guards there usually were, but they were no match for Fenris and his companions. The slaves and servants were abed at this hour, apart from those down in the kitchens, but that was a separate compound within the estate. Danarius hated his living quarters to smell of food.  


In another lifetime Fenris would have been gratified by the terror on Danarius’ face when he and Aveline kicked in the door to the magister’s study. The old man was at his desk, as he often was late at night, and he didn’t have time to bring up so much as a barrier before Fenris had closed the distance between them and sunk his arm to the elbow in the magister’s chest.  


“Where is she?” he snarled down at Danarius.  


“Kill me and you’ll never find out where she is!” Danarius panted, his eyes wide.  


Fenris clenched his hand, feeling the fluttering racing of his former master’s heart against his palm. “Tell me where Hawke is and it will be quick,” he growled. “Or I swear to you, Danarius, I will wring it from you inch by inch!”  


To his disgust, Danarius reached up and rested a hand on his arm. “Fenris…” he panted. “My darling boy, release me and we can talk about this.” He glanced over, glaring at Varric and Isabela who had begun to rifle through his rooms. “Call off your...companions and we can discuss this like civilized people.”  


“There is nothing to talk about,” Fenris said, tightening his hand. “Where is Hawke?”  


“If I die, so shall she,” Danarius said, his hands tightening around Fenris’ wrist. “You will never find her, pet.”  


Fenris squeezed the magister’s heart, struggling to control his temper. “Danarius, I am giving you this one chance. Tell me where she is, or I swear to you-”  


“You loved me once,” Danarius said. “You were mine once, Fenris. We can be happy again. Let the whore go and return to me.” His fingertips stroked over the inside of Fenris’ wrists. “Don’t you remember how good I could make you feel, my pet? We were so happy. We-”  


“If you will not help, then there is no purpose to keeping you alive,” Fenris growled, cutting him off.  


“Wait!” Danarius said desperately, his heart thudding faster in Fenris hand. “Wait, my darling boy please-if I...if I take you to her, will you let me live? I swear I will not trouble you any further. Please-”  


“Take me to her,” Fenris rumbled. “Now.” He took half a step backwards and let the magister rise, not removing his hand from his former master’s chest. It was awkward going, but he didn’t dare trust Danarius. He struggled with his impatience to find Hawke, forcing himself to take measured steps behind Danarius as he led them down through a maze of chambers that Fenris was unacquainted with. Danarius finally stopped by a section of wall that was blank apart from a painting of a man in robes of the Magisterium. Danarius touched the name plate and Fenris heard the sound of a lock turning. A section of the wall suddenly illuminated in the shape of a door and swung open to reveal a darkened room that smelled of sweat and blood. “I told you that you would not find her without me,” Danarius said and Fenris bit back an angry retort, instead nudging Danarius ahead of him into the room.  


“Hawke?” Varric whispered in a broken voice.  


Fenris glanced past Danarius’ shoulder and hissed at the sight that waited for him.  


Hawke was in the center of the room, a heavy chain affixed to the iron collar around her neck and pulling her up on her tiptoes. Her legs shook with exertion and her arms were bound behind her back at the elbows and wrists, jerking her shoulders into a painful position. Her clothes were in tatters, revealing an awful patchwork of wounds all over her body. Blood trickled from her nose and mouth and on the table next to her was a whip, a truncheon, and several other blood-stained tools.  


“You said that you would let me live,” Danarius said. “She is alive. Take her and go and I-”  


Fenris crushed the man’s heart before he could finish, tossing his body to the ground without a backward glance. He hurried to her side, desperate to touch her but not wanting to hurt her further or frighten her.  


“Hawke?” he said quietly.  


Hawke’s eyes were shut tight and she was breathing heavily.  


“No,” she said, shaking her head. “No. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you I won’t be broken this fucking way, fuck y-”  


“It’s me, Hawke,” Fenris said. “Truly.”  


She gave an exhausted shake of her head. “Just like it was you last night?” she said and Fenris felt as though he’d been punched in the gut. “Or the night before when it was Varric? Or the night before that when it was Aveline?” A shudder went through her body and Fenris felt Varric’s presence at his side. The dwarf handed up a set of keys.  


“I’m going to free you, Hawke,” Fenris said. “I have to touch you to free you. Please just...be still. Trust me. You’re safe now.”  


Hawke let out a mirthless laugh. “Fuck you, Danarius,” she hissed. “Get the fuck out of my head. They’re dead. They’re all fucking _dead_ and I can’t-I won’t…” tears had begun to trickle down her face.  


“Keep still,” Fenris said, as Varric moved to cut her arms loose. She cried out when they dropped to her sides the indentations from the bindings standing out on her dark skin. “Just fucking kill me,” she rasped, twitching away from Varric and Aveline as they tried to steady her. “Don’t fucking touch me!” She moved as though she wanted to strike them, but cried out with pain when she tried to move her arms.  


“Broody, the wall,” Varric said in a low voice.  


Fenris glanced over and saw that the chain holding Hawke was wound around a thick cleat in the wall and hurried to unwind it. As gently as he was able, he lowered Hawke to the ground where she immediately scooted away from them, putting her back against the wall. She wrapped her arms around her knees with a whimper of pain and rocked back and forth, shaking her head.  


“Stop it!” she said, her voice cracking as she kept her eyes tightly shut. “Just fucking stop it! They aren’t coming. No one’s coming. They’re all fucking dead and it’s my fucking fault and-” she trailed off, her body shaking with sobs.  


“What is she talking about?” Varric whispered to him.  


Fenris felt that he had a horrible suspicion. Danarius had tampered with Fenris’ memories in the past, it stood to reason that he could do the same to Hawke. “I suspect he made her believe we were dead,” he replied equally quietly. “To punish her.” He swallowed hard. “To punish me. She would not be in such a state had she not tried to protect me.”  


“It’s not your fault, Fenris,” Varric said, resting a hand on his shoulder. He turned to Hawke and crouched down next to her. “Sweetheart, I need you to listen,” Varric said, in a gentle voice. “I don’t know what they told you, but we’re alive. All of us. We’re here to rescue you.” Moving slowly, Varric began to remove his doublet. “You’re shivering, Hawke,” he said gently. “I’m going to give you something warm, all right? It’s just my doublet. You don’t have to move. I just want you to be warm.” He reached out and tenderly draped the doublet around Hawke’s shoulders. She flinched from the contact, but almost immediately stilled. 

“Oh Maker,” she groaned, her voice so thick with tears that Fenris felt his own throat grow tight. “Oh Maker get the fuck out of my head. How did you get the fucking _smell_ right?” She hugged the doublet to herself, sobbing quietly as she buried her face in it. “Varric-please…”  


“I’m right here, Sweetheart,” Varric said, reaching out and brushing his fingertips over her tightly clenched fists. “I’m here. Open your eyes. Please...for me?”  


For a moment Hawke didn’t move. Then, one eyelid began to crack open. Then, both flew open as Hawke’s lips dropped open, quivering. “V-Varric?” she whispered.  


“Hawke,” he said.  


Faster than Fenris would have thought possible, given her state, Hawke launched herself at Varric, wrapping her arms around him as guttural, ragged sobs ripped from her throat.  


“Please tell me it’s real!” she begged as the dwarf held her close. “Please - I don’t care what happens to me, I don’t care, just please be alive!”  


“Shhhhhh,” Varric murmured. “I swear to you, Hawke, we’re alive. We’re all alive. You’re safe. We’ve come to take you home.”  


Fenris dropped to his knees next to them, wanting nothing more than to take her into his arms. “You’re safe,” he echoed.  


Sniffling, Hawke looked up at him and let out another heartbreaking sob. “Fenris? Are you-is this real?”  


Fenris nodded and took Hawke’s hand when she reached out to him. She laced her fingers through his as she always had when they were a couple, before he’d left and hurt her. He squeezed her hand gently and she squeezed back. He felt a tremor go through her body and to his alarm, saw her eyes roll back into her head for a moment before snapping open again. She jerked her hands back, hugging the doublet to herself.  


“NO! I won’t be tricked. I won’t be fucking-fucking manipulated like this you son of a fucking bitch! Just fucking kill me!” She buried her face in the doublet, crying. “I won’t-I won’t fucking break, not like this. Not because of them.”  


Though he ached to hold her, Fenris knew that was not what she needed. He suspected that she would soon succumb to her exhaustion, and soon his instinct was rewarded. Hawke went abruptly limp and Fenris was quick to unlock the collar and throw it to the ground. He lifted her and carried her out of the cellar, out of the kitchens with Merril and the slave girl in tow. He carried her through the dark streets and across the quay to the longboat, where Varric and Aveline rowed them back to the ship. He placed her in the boatswain’s chair and supervised the crew lifting her onto the vessel. Then he carried her down to the well-appointed cabin and lay her on the bed. He stepped out while Varric and Aveline bathed her, feeling that with things as they were between them, it was not his place to participate. But as soon as they had finished and Anders had done what he could, Fenris was back at her side, holding her hand. She clutched Varric’s doublet with the other and snored softly as the whistle sounded in the predawn light and the ship began to move.  


Hawke slept for the next two days, occasionally whimpering or crying out one of their names. It was nearing midnight on the third day when her eyes fluttered open and found his. Gently he nudged Varric, who had fallen asleep sitting up next to him.  


“Fenris?” she whispered, her voice rough. “Varric?”  


“Hawke,” he said. “We are here.”  


“Morning, Sweetheart,” Varric said.  


Her lips quivered as her eyes flicked to the side. “It’s dark out,” she said, making an attempt at a smile.  


Varric chuckled, but there were tears in his eyes. “How are you feeling, Sweetheart?”  


“Sore,” Hawke admitted. She swallowed hard. “Scared,” she said in a tiny voice. “That I’m going to wake up back...there.”  


“You are safe,” Fenris said. “Danarius is dead by my hand. He will never hurt you again.”  


Hawke looked up at him, her eyes unfathomable, and Varric cleared his throat. “I’m going to get you something to eat, Hawke,” he said. “And send Blondie down to check on you.”  


Hawke reached up for him and he took her hand, bringing it tenderly to his lips. “We’ve got you, Sweetheart,” he said before letting her hand go.  


“Thank you,” she said, her eyes growing shiny.  


“Thank the elf,” Varric said with a half smile. With that he turned and hurried from the cabin, shutting the door behind himself.  


Fenris took a deep breath and looked down to find that Hawke’s eyes were on him. “I’m so sorry,” he said, reaching for her hand and catching himself. To his surprise, Hawke reached out with a wince and took it, her thumb rubbing the back of it.  


“There’s nothing for you to be sorry for,” Hawke said immediately. “It’s not your fault he is-was a dick.”  


Fenris snorted in spite of himself. “It is my fault that he came to Kirkwall,” he said miserably. “It is my fault that he wanted to-to hurt you. It is my fault that you were taken and-”  


“Fenris, I made a choice,” Hawke said, some of her usual strength returning to her voice. She pushed herself up a little in the bed, her lovely eyes not leaving his. “I was terrified of what he would do to you,” she said quietly. “I knew I couldn’t let him have you.”  


“He hurt you,” Fenris said, shaking his head and dropping his eyes. He could only imagine how she had suffered. He knew all too well how vindictive Danarius could be.  


“I can take a few hits,” Hawke said, shrugging a shoulder. She winced immediately and Fenris squeezed her hand. Her eyes had gotten shiny again as she shook her head. “Fuck.”  


“Do you...would it help to talk about it?” Fenris asked, covering her hand with his free one.  


“Fuck if I know,” Hawke said with a wet little laugh. She grew serious quickly. “I can’t imagine that it’d be good for you to hear.”  


“That does not matter to me,” Fenris said.  


“It matters to me,” Hawke replied. “You knew him. You knew the kind of man he was. I’m sure that you can imagine the things that-that…” tears began to trickle down her face and she swiped at them angrily. “You lived there for years,” she said, her voice rough. “I was there, what, a couple of weeks? It’s not the same.”  


Fenris blinked at her. “Hawke...he hurt you. You’re allowed to-to-”  


“What? Break down?” she retorted. “Because an old man beat me and called me names?”  


“I know that is not all that he did,” Fenris said quietly. “But you do not have to tell me anything you do not want to, Hawke. I only want you to know that you can.”  


She didn’t reply right away, but when she did her voice was quiet. “He didn’t let me sleep,” she said. “Or eat. He kept me cold and tied up. He-he told me the things that he was going to do to you when you came after me. He told me how he was going to-to use me to break you.”  


Fenris suppressed a snarl of rage and squeezed her hand. “I will give the old man credit,” he said in a low voice. “Because nothing would break me faster than you coming to harm because of me.”  


Hawke’s eyes went suddenly wide as she looked at him and Fenris gave a little shrug. “You are dear to me, Hawke. That should not come as a surprise.”  


She sniffled and reached for him before appearing to catch herself. “Fenris can...would you hold me?” she asked, looking down. “I’m still so cold and I just…”  


“Of course,” Fenris said immediately. He eased into bed behind her so that she could lean against his chest, and he noticed that Varric’s doublet was under the covers with her. She turned and put her arms around his waist inhaling deeply. “I have got you, Hawke,” he said, leaning his cheek against her closely cropped curls.  


“He was sure you would come to him,” Hawke said after a few moments. “Or at least, he was sure you’d come after me and that he could talk you around.”  


Fenris felt his lip curl. “That sounds like him,” he said.  


“I can take being beaten,” Hawke said. “But I...I really thought you were all dead. That I’d lost you forever because of something I’d done.” She shuddered and Fenris tightened his arms around her.  


“We are alive, Hawke,” Fenris promised.  


“The doubt is there though,” Hawke said, tears making shining tracks down her face. “The fear that I’m gonna wake up hanging in that room waiting for Danarius to come back and beat me some more knowing that I’ll never see you again. That you died before I could tell you that I-” she swallowed hard and shook her head, leaning her forehead against his collarbone. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I don’t...this isn’t about any of that I just…” she looked up and the look in her eyes was so vulnerable that Fenris couldn’t help but cup her cheek, stroking his thumb over her cheekbone. “Fenris, even if this is just another dream, I hope you know that my feelings for you...they never changed. I’m sorry that night ended how it did but I-there’s still no one else.”  


“Hawke,” Fenris whispered, his heart beginning to pound in his chest. How was it even possible that she still felt that way after how he had left things?  


“I understand if you don’t feel the same way,” she rushed to add. “I-it’s been years and I-”  


“Peace, Hawke,” Fenris said, resting his forehead against hers. “There will never be anyone else.” The words slipped out before he really thought about them, but they felt like the right ones. He kissed her cheek. “I am yours.”  


She tilted her face up and looked at him, her eyes wide. “Promise me this isn’t a dream,” she whispered and the desperation in her voice tore at his heart.  


“Only if you make me the same promise,” Fenris said, giving her a small smile.  


She let out a little chuff of laughter, her lips parting as she gazed into his eyes.  


“Hawke?” he murmured.  


“Yes?” she asked, not taking her eyes off of his.  


“May I kiss you?” he asked, then cursed himself for being the fool. How could he ask that of her after her ordeal? “I-I’m sorry,” he said immediately. “I shouldn’t-”  


“You can’t ask a girl that and back out!” Hawke said with a ghost of her usual humor. She grew serious, reaching up to cup his cheek. “I’m yours,” she said, her breath ghosting across his lips and giving him goosebumps. “I-I don’t think I’ll be able to do...other things, not for awhile. But please kiss me.”  


How could he deny her? Fenris leaned down and brushed his lips against hers, his heart filling as she let out a happy little sigh. He kept the kiss short and chaste, not wanting to hurt or frighten her, and when they pulled back she cuddled under his chin with a happy murmur. “I love you, Fenris,” she said in a sudden rush, her voice somewhat muffled by his collarbone.  


“I love you too, Hawke,” he replied, stunned at how easily the words came to him.  


She sighed and shifted slightly against him, her arms tightening around his waist. She began to snore after a moment and Fenris pulled the woolen blanket up over her shoulder, resting his head on top of hers. Silently he vowed to the Maker, the Creators, and anyone else who was listening that he would never again allow her to come to harm because of him.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this was a compelling read, since I'd hardly call it a fun one. Thank you for reading!


End file.
